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September 27, 1998

R*n #5:
Lombard, IL
Hares: Full Term

Second City Hash Bombards Lombard:
Full Term's Virgin Chicago Lay--
aka The Men's Only Hash

I got to the hash just a little late, I had plenty of time to get there, but I took the wrong off ramp as instructed by the 2C HHH HHHotline.  When I stopped at a gas station for directions, nobody could help me out, but they were able to point me in the direction of downtown Chicago, thanks kids, I didn't know where THAT was.  See that's why guys don't like to ask directions, because people are idiots!  Eventually, a nice man pointed the way for me.  Remember kids, a stranger in Lombard isn't a stranger, but a friend you haven't met who just wants to buy his d--n kid an ice cream at the local 7-11.  Anyhow, I got to the bar and the men's only club was in force.  Present was the hare Full Term , along with hounds Soar Balls, EZ Sunday, Yer-Anus, Ben Dover, Golden, and yours trooly.  After several eventful trips to the bathroom, we made our way outside.

Full Term gave the chalk talk and we were off like a herd of turtles.  I tell you it was stiff competition to not be FRB on this day.  The pack made its way through the neighborhood and into the park where we ran past some sort of deer-like creature constructed in brass and cemented to the ground.  We then made our way to a r-nning path, a r-nning bridge, another bridge over I-355, across the railroad tracks near a bridge and down the road to a bridge crossing a little river to a check.  And let me add that it was hot outside.  I mean Delta Burke hot.  As hot as any star from any enjoyable CBS laugh riot sitcom or critically-acclaimed drama.  Darn hot.

True trail led us into the ankle-deep creek and under the highway bridge across a street and into more woods eventually leading to a forest preserve containing a bust-through-someone's-picnic check and trail leading to another bridge (I tell ya, that Full Term is a man after my own heart) and an island with a true arrow across the lake.  Everyone ran back to the bridge, everyone that is except EZ Sunday , who wanted to cross the lake, and Speckle Bird, who wanted to watch.  After progressing 10 feet into the water, EZ realized that he was up to his thighs in mud and decided to turn back.

More Trail led us to the beer check in the woods, where good beers such as Goose Island, and another good beer that I cannot remember because I am used to Old Mil (It was Leinenkugel's.  -ed.) were consumed.  Many mosquitoes were present there and they were obnoxious, more obnoxious than a concert teaming up Rodney Dangerfield and those lovable Hanson kids, Mmmm bop, indeed.  After mass consumption and a continuous ritualistic slapping of the legs, arms and heads ON ON was called and the pack headed out through the woods across a small field to a tree farm and up onto a foot bridge leading back across I-355.

At this point, Yer-Anus displayed some amazing quantum hashing abilities by circumventing true trail (the foot bridge and the only nearby way to cross the highway) and busting ahead (who said ahead?) to the next check.  This was a tricky check, so tricky in fact that Soar Balls and Ben Dover decided to forego the rest of the trail and head back towards the bar.  Unfortunately, Dr. Idiot Box and Toe-Jam Head went the wrong way.  they were miles and miles away (well maybe several and several blocks) before they realized that.  On home via ripped up roads under construction.

Recipients of down downs included the hare Full Term, Speckle Bird for being at his first 2nd City Hash, Speckle Bird for becoming the Intranet Champion for NEC Technologies Corporate Communications division (way to go Speckie!), EZ Sunday for attempted water crossing, Speckle Bird for being the outgoing GM of 2C (outgone three months ago in a violent, bloody coup staged by EZ Sunday himself), Yer-Anus did several melted popsicle down downs because he brought a box before the hash, no one ate any besides himself (Not true.  Most of us had one before the hash.  -ed .), so he stored the rest in the trunk of his car until after the r-n.  Soar Balls and Ben Dover got down downs for their inability to differentiate South From North, Golden got a down down for actually being on time and Speckle Bird got a down down for, well, being Speckle Bird.  Beer was drank, pizza was eaten and the  pack moved on to Full Term's swinging bachelor pad to watch Austin Powers International Man of Mystery and to meet Mr. Term's groovy girlfriend.

That's "Dr. Hash Scribe," I didn't spend four years in Evil Hash Scribe School to be  called "Mr."

 - Specklebird

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