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October 25, 1998

R*n #7:
Downers Grove, IL:
Hares: Soar Balls

An Afternoon Constitutional:
The Constitutional Convention Hash

It was a cheerful, enthusiastic band of hashers that met at the Founder's Hill Brew Pub in Downer's Grove, one sunny Sunday afternoon.  It was a pitiful, exhausted bunch of wretches who trickled back in twos and threes several hours later.  Soar Balls had r-n (or walked) them through suburban streets, forests, rivers, swamps, playgrounds and any other terrain the Western Suburbs had to offer, until the Sun had long since set and feet had long since blistered.

Half a dozen Second City Hashers circled up on Founder's Hill, pausing only to down a few excellent microbrews.  After the hare's futile attempts to explain the trail markings, the pack set off, with the FRBs (led by Cock Strapper and Skull, a visiting Ithica hasher) setting a pace that left some of those stupid enough not to take advantage of Soar Balls' Turkey Trail strung out throughout Du Page County.  A large loop brought the Eagles back to within spewing distance of the start, but inexplicably failed to lead them back into the bar for refueling. Instead it led on, through forest preserves, up hills, across major roads and railroad tracks.  The hare, having repaired some damaged trail and prepared the beer stop headed backwards along the Turkey Trail to pick up survivors.  He thus cleverly missed the front of the pack who were about ten yards away r-nning into the beer stop along the Eagle Trail.

As dusk began to settle, the pack settled into the beer.  Soar Balls eventually returned with Full Term in tow, and after a quick final chug the pack was off again into the gloom.  Welcome to the end of Daylight Savings.  With the power of Soar Balls' homebrew in their veins, the pack forged through pitch black woods and ice cold swamps, with only a slight nagging worry that they appeared to be several miles from warm clothes and cold beer.  With the friendly lights of Wal Mart guiding them, the pack stumbled across trail's end, where Soar Balls' car and another cooler of his fine fermentations awaited.

Deciding that the stragglers had long-since short-cutted for home and that hash cash would not stretch to down-downs at four bucks a pint, the pack circled up by Soar Balls' car which had been specially decorated for the occasion.  Skull showed everyone his talent after his visitor's down-down, much to Dainty's pleasure.  She, in turn, revealed her own assets when called to drink.  Welcome to the kinder, gentler hash.  More crimes were punished and good deeds rewarded before the pack auto-shuttled back to Founder's Hill to eat, drink, write a constitution and forget about Buffalo Nuts, Rear Guard and Golden who had been left to die, cold and lost in the woods.


 - Full Term's rating:  4 on a scale of 5 or, in Score Balls, Two balls, medium.


{Editor's note:  In attendance were:  Buffalo Nuts, Cap'n Golden, Cockstrapper, Coxswain-Coxout, Dainty, EZ Sunday, Full Term, Gaseous Clay, Rear Guard, Rhotan, Skull, and Soar Balls, for a total of 12, tying with the previous theme hash, EZ Sunday's Rafting Hash, for an attendance record.  Thanks to all of you for showing up, now let's try to get our average attendance up to or exceeding that level, shall we.}

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