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June 4-6, 1999

R*n #23:
Hide-A-Way Lakes, Yorkville, IL
Hare: EZ Sunday

EZ Sunday's End of Alimony Hashfest

      Our divorce is 5 years old as of this very day.
      I still have to spell out words my mouth can't bear to say.
      Like B-I-T-C-H and all my M-O-N-E-Y.
      But today the words I'm spelling out don't legally apply.
      My A-L-I-M-O-N-Y becomes final today.
      This month all my P-A-Y is coming home to stay.
      No more fat C-H-E-C-K's to D-E-B-B-I.
      Thank God the court has stopped my A-L-I-M-O-N-Y.
      A new month on the calendar, she thinks I'll still pay,
      But the S-E-T-T-L-E-M-E-N-T ends today.
      I spell out all these evil words from habit 5 years learned.
      Now the hurt's all gone `cause I keep every cent I've earned.
      My A-L-I-M-O-N-Y becomes final today.
      This month all my P-A-Y is coming home to stay.
      No more fat C-H-E-C-K's to D-E-B-B-I.
      Thank God the court has stopped my A-L-I-M-O-N-Y.
      Thank God the court has stopped my A-L-I-M-O-N-Y

Our first ever 2nd City Hash campout weekend was held, as per our motto, ``about and hour" out of town.  Of course, it took another 45 minutes to find our remote campsite within the campgrounds.  My efforts were rewarded with the sight of my hash buddies and some wonderful food for alimony-paying folks, namely Mac and Cheese, ding dongs and beer.  After consuming enough of the former and too much of the latter, along with campfire songs as required for every hash campout, it was bed time for this recruited co-hare.

In the morning, we bade farewell to our Waukesha pals, Monsterbator and Cornballer and their car that had been assaulted, and welcomed Couldn't Get Laid w/ a Fistful of $50's who couldn't find our campsite the previous night.

Eventually we even welcomed Dave, a co-worker with the man-of-the-weekend, and a raw virgin, and the official 100th hasher to grace the 2nd City.


Trail was exactly what one would expect from two hung-over hares.  Typical back-of-the-packers, and check-hangers such as Norm, Wet & Wild , Mother Inferior, Sex N Ate and Little Pink Head Cheese often found themselves at the head (who said head) of the pack.  For most of the day, though, we were following Full Term's cries of ``ON-ON!"  We went on hiking trails, off hiking trails, and up a hill to a big circle jerk.  There were stinging nettles, stream beds, shoe-sucking mud, frustrating false trails, about 1000 bridges, and an honest to goodness fen (we knew it was a fen from the signs).  The first two of these raised questions from our raw virgin about how to identify poison ivy (which he obviously had confused with nettles) and as to whether he had to worry about the car key on his shoelaces rusting in the creek water.  Was I really ever this raw?

Well, we worked our way back to the parking lot, where beer was to be had in EZ's truck, while we waited for him to set the live 2nd leg of the trail.  Here's where it got even more fun.  After a short section of going back along the trail that took us into the beer stop, we dove into the woods and on to the creek, where we found the culvert that is required for a truly great hash.  Here, Dave once again showed his youthful inexperience with his mincing steps through the culvert.  On the other side, we encountered a large tree in the creek, requiring Rettonian skill to negotiate, particularly in view of the average state of inebriation which was visited upon the group.

Well, we eventually did negotiate the obstacle, and climbed to the safety of the train tracks, which led us back to the truck.  On back to the campground (the site of and earlier croquet war won by LPHC and Mother) for beers and Spamwiches.  We had Shadow chasing frisbees while Rosebud watched and eventually down-downs were drunk.

As evening came on, we welcomed the folks who had left us earlier, Spik N Span and Specklebird, and bid adieu to Dave, who had to go plant some trees with Dad.  We even got a visit from Cap'n Golden, who brought EZ a present of an electric bug zapper/fly swatter that just wasn't moving off the old hardware store shelves.  I spent the evening passing out, so I don't remember much, but we did have end of alimony food, like burgers and such.

The next day brought a Fat Boy hash, hared by Speckie and covering about 100 yards, a beer stop and a donut stop.  Then EZ and Speckie loaded up the Dangersled with innertubes for some river tubing.  A fine post-hash activity.  After all the fun was over, CP showed up, drank a couple beers and baked in the hot hot sun with us.

At the end of the day, T-shirts were doled out CGLWaFoF showed us his cop killer bullets and issued EZ a subpoena of some sort (as a joke).  He also gave Speckie a neato Star Wars action figure.  Pretty much an ideal weekend.  Here's hoping we have an even better one next year.

 - Soar Balls say:  2 Balls, extra large.

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