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December 6, 1998

R*n #10:
Venue:
Paul Douglas Forest Preserve
Hares: Specklebird

1st or 2nd Annual Idiots Day Hash

It was an afternoon fit for mad dogs and Englishman.  OK, that explains Full Term's presence, but what the heck were the other guys doing there?  Well, Specky was the hare, and Yer-Anus just came to get info before craniuming off to Salt Lake City, so I guess the rest of us were just idiots, in keeping with the theme of the day. 

EZ and I had started the day in a fine fit of stupidity, going to a Cross Country R*ce to recruit and managing to pass out all of 5 cards to the 600 participants, then proceeding to get lost in a barn.  We also found out that you can't exit onto Barrington Road from eastbound I-90.  So after about an hour's detour through g-d d--n church traffic, we huddled in the BGVoL drinking beer and watching Yer-Anus drive right past us.  He came back and joined us, as did Erect Da Red and, finally Full Term with virgin buddy Chris to put the lie to the rumour that he has no friends.

Our debate as to whether to r*n or go bowling was settled in autocratic fashion by our esteemed GM who commanded Specky to set a short hash, then we would go bowling.  We gave him a good 5 minute cranium start, attested by the fact that, upon inquiry, Full Term told us he'd been gone for 6 minutes.  Although he'd been in clear sight of the huddled pack, we got to the split about 70 yards after the starting check, and couldn't find trail.  EZ and I decided to relieve our bladders, under the observant eye of virgin Chris, who asked if that mark meant we all had to pee.  Born hasher.

We short-cut toward the picnic table about 50 yards away, where the beer stop held 4 beers for the 5 of us.  Thanks a lot Speck.  These were consumed and trail started off towards the parking lot.  By this point, I'd fallen to the back of the pack, so I'm not sure of what transpired, but EZ and I traversed the next 50 yards to the parking lot to find an eagle-turkey split (no one was urinating at this one), and a wandering Swede, who was minching his way along the turkey trail.  We dutifully traipsed over to the eagle trail, proceeding through the outhouse, on a hairpin 30 yards down the parking lot, and On-In, where the self-proclamation of ``Hash of the Year" was inscribed in chalk. 

Down-downs were held for hare, virgin, wandering turkey, FRB, DFL, and so on, followed by naming of virgin Chris to Split Pee, whereupon he demonstrated admirable down-down form.  Born Hasher.  It was further decided by this assemblage of morons that this day after Pearl Harbor Day (Waukesha) and day before Pearl Harbor Day (Hawaii) would be a day that would live in idiocy.  Thus the concept of the annual Idiot's Day Hash was born, reinforced by memories of last year's post-Pearl Hash in the Bong Recreation Area, complete with short crappy trail, Leinie's, and a $7 entry fee to the park.

The remaining idiots (EZ and Erect went home, maybe together) went off to go bowling, and ended up watching football and drinking beer.  The refs contributed to Idiot's Day by awarding Vinny Testaverde a touchdown scored while on his face at the one yard line. 

Soar Balls say:  2 brains large (the total mental capacity at this hash).

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