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December 20, 1998

R*n #11:
Latern, Naperville
Hares: EZ Sunday

Twas the Hash Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas
and out in the burbs,
At Naperville's Lantern
there was beer being served.

The Bass Ale was poured
in our glasses with care,
In hopes that CICO'd
find her way there.

The harriers hustled
down Naperville's sidewalks with glee,
To a parking garage,
schoolyards, woods and a cemetery.

Our SWP* was a kerchief,
Soar Balls found a dolly.
And finally in trotted
Horn-E and Polly.

Then in our group
there arose such commotion.
Cap'n Golden was lost
in the Naperville Ocean.

Away to the river
we flew like a flash.
Full Term , Pole Pounder and Soar Balls
all crossed with a splash.

The frost on the toes
of our now-sodden socks
Had Pole Pounder cursing
for the next several blocks.

When what to our wondering
eyes should appear,
But Dainty's folks' house
and a cooler of beer.

With our little old hare,
so tired and so wheezy,
I knew in a moment
it had to be EZ .

More wobbly than drunkards
the harriers came,
And he whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name

Now Ben Dover, Cockstrapper,
Full Term and Split Pee!
On Pole Pounder, Chip N Dale,
Carlene and Dainty!

Through the door of the porch
after beer and some toys.
Now hash away! Hash away!
Hash away boys (and girls)!

As dry heaves from bounteous
drinking ensue,
And force you, at midnight,
to sprint to the loo,

So back to the Lantern
the hashers they sped.
(Over part of the course,
the hare even led.)

In a twinkling, two pitchers
were drunk with great zeal,
As Golden appeared
in the Dainty-mobile.

Yer Anus paid homage
to Golden's soft hands,
Then we all went to EZ's house
in caravan.

The house was immaculate,
roof to foundation,
So we circled outside
for imbibification.

A couple of turkeys
from Cockstrapper's coven
Were cooked to perfection
in Spik N Span's oven.

We ate and we drank
and sang hash songs out loud
While Golden was off'ring
his nuts to the crowd.

I put away all the great
food I could stow,
Saving room for those cookies
from C-I-C-O.

CP and Speckie
arrived without running,
So the circle re-opened
for what they had coming.

Then first-timer, Carlene,
was named with some fervor,
Professional Male Slot
for her work e-mail server.

Chip N Dale pranced
like a jolly old elf,
While Horn-E seemed happy
to keep to himself.

A wink from Yer Anus said,
``I need a ride,"
So he and Ben Dover
soon left, side by side.

Then Cockstrapper, Pole Pounder,
Chip and the Slot
Left for their houses.
Why, I know not.

C-I-C-O, Specklebird,
Golden and CP
All headed for home
before they go too sleepy.

Soar Balls, Full Term, Dainty,
and the family Sunday
Were the only 5 revelers
staying `til Monday.

And I heard EZ say
as we drank his last beer,
``Merry Christmas too all,
and a Happy New Year!"

(or it might have been,
``You don't have to go home,
just get the hell out of here."
I'm not sure.  I'd been drinking)

*SWP = Special Wrapped Present

Specklbird's-eye View
No trail I remember, good.  Got to EZ's for beer before 4, then to Lantern.  Everybody gone from Lantern so back to EZ's house.  Happy, joyous time for many.   So good food from the kitchen of Spik N Span.  Martha Stewart bad, Spik N Span good.  Down downs outside in cold, then down downs inside in warm.  Named Chippendale's better halfed " Professional Male Slot," not exactly sure what she does for a living.  Watched Simpsons.  Simpsons are funny.  Omababoe!  Tumababa!   More beer.  I like stuff.  Home to check E-mail and sleep.  Life is good to me to far.

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