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August 1, 1999

R*n #27
Poplar Creek Forest Preserve
Hare: Specklebird

Golf:  A Good Hash Spoiled

What what what what what .....? Twadsy Hash twash for the last week Hash?  OK, here goes, Soarbie.  I was retired...

Anyway, I like the area for a start but the place didn't offer much parking space since I like a spot where there's tree shades I can shelter from the merciless scorching sun.  Being a Scandinavian, I burn easily.

Anyway, just as we were about to take off, this part I remember vividly, that The Rapist and whazisname1 excuse themselves to go pee by the outhouse down yonder park lane.  People have all kind of excuse just to hold us up a little longer but here's the best part.  We'd no clue at first what with this whazisname holding the door of the outhouse open while she dribbled urine all over the already messy toilet in open view to unsuspected innocent passerby namely us.  Well, her excuse was she is Castrophobic, a fear of Cubans in confined places.

Anyway, the trail became obvious as we trailblazed into thick razor grass that did a number on my legs.  There were several of us bleeding profusely in the area of our body that are very important to us Hashers and we do proudly displayed open wounds with pride.  EZ figured showing off his bloody legs will keep off the boredom of walking in single file and by now the lack of idiotic conversation would set the front r*nners, namely me and Virtually Hung , to make a r*n for it.  But this was tall grass commonly found in elephant country in the fertile Sahara and the only spot to really r*n was along the muddy creek.  There was a check somewhere under the bridge that I missed.  Very clever check this one but the sweeping Hare hinting where the trail would go.  By staying put in one position is a dead giveaway when you're at the check spot, you know what I mean.  So we doubled back and headed back into another corridor of prairie grass that trailed into an unsuspecting lesbian couple who were just about to do it, sort of.  Unintelligible to most human we kept on yelling "On On" as a polite gesture that we're approaching in their direction.  But our alerted Washington DC transplant named Video, Tape and Lies, spotted the duo in the grassy knoll decided to "check it out", you know what I'm saying?  By then I was too busy worrying about where the beer gonna show up.  The 100 heat was so overpowering even the mighty Soar Balls humbled himself in a tree shade, not that I care very much about humbility.  This was the beer check and was spotted Duh and boyfriend2, The Rapist and boyfriend1 were holding hands as they ambled along to the beer check by the parking lot while we finished our first round of beer.  I'm not sure if EZ and Specky did likewise, like I said, it was very hot out there....you know heat, delirium, blah, blah, blah, can play tricks on the senses.

After a restful period another bash into the thicket, this time it's muddy, so muddy The Rapist can't resist but threw herself into the mud.  Ok, I made that up.  She kind of fell into the mud like an enthusiastic squealing piglet.  Well, she giggled a lot, didn't she?  I didn't pay much attention to the sexual display as I was trying to keep my distance from EZ.

By now, the heat could play a number on my mind as well.  Fortunately we're back into road r*nning for a while and into kiddie golf.  This is the "G" spot y'all kept wondering all day, remember?

The game of golfing was so time consuming and there were not a beer in sight.  Now you know why a third grader beaten us with a hole in one twice.  If you think baseball is boring, this is the pit.

Anyway, we're back to r*nning but the urge was not there and the r*nning eventually ended on the same spot where the beer check was next to an anxious latecomer Spik n' Span.

Good location and challenging trail but the Nutter Butter taste a little bit different from the past weekend. I coulda give it two thumbs up but the golfing had to spoil it all.

 - Wildman

[The Tenth Amendment requires that this transcript be censored and reedited and anything that you find offensive, well, screw me.]

1. Whazisname, aka The Rapist's boyfriend, is actually named Dale.
2. Duh's boyfriend's name is Ward.

More Notes:

Rhotan and CICO returned from wherever they've been for the last few months.

Full Term, Yer Anus, Rear Guard, Gaseous Clay, Cap'n Golden and Ben Dover also made it out, but were deemed unworthy of being written about.

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